The term "rebound relationship" comes from the expression "on the rebound". In other words, a situation where a
love relationship has ended, and one or both parties have "rebounded" quickly into another relationship, often to
prevent them from having to deal with the emotional fallout of the relationship that has ended. It may even be that
the new relationship starts before the love relationship has ended.
What if I'm in a Rebound Relationship?
Be careful. There are many reasons why established, long term love relationships founder. All
our lives we are told that serious relationships require us to work at them. Truth is, after a time we can
start to crave the attention and affection that has long since gone as the relationship matures. We want to
experience again the thrill of dating, that first kiss, incredible sex and all those things that have become,
perhaps, a distant memory. These things also help us to overcome the sense of loss and regret when a long term
relationship comes to an end.
However, moving from a long term partner quickly to a new lover, whilst raising our self esteem, can cause more
problems later on. The "Knight in Shining Armour" who comes to rescue you from a stale, or bad relationship, may
ultimately give you a new set of problems. Rather than come out of your old relationship and deal with the issues
it raised, rushing into a new rebound relationship is dangerous. This new person may make you feel great and do
wonderful things initially, but who are they? Because they make you feel good again, will they continue to be there
for you? Are you turning a blind eye to their shortcomings just "to have a good time"?
This can be unfair to both of you, as ultimately the initial feelings start to subside and you start wondering
how you got involved with someone who turns out to be worse than the partner you left. You realize that the
superficial things are not that important - if only you had spent more time talking to your former partner, working
through your problems together, ultimately regaining that most intangible aspect to a relationship - that
"connection". Rather than rushing into a new relationship, trying to "make up for lost time", you suddenly find
that that time would have been better spent investing in your former partner.
A rebound relationship often ends in hurt, with one party feeling used when the other feels it's time to move
on, it's been fun, exciting and adventurous, but it's losing that initial flame (as all relationships do).
Internet dating sites are full of people (often men, but there are predatory women too), who are looking folk
who have just come out of unhappy relationships. Often they will be upfront and simply say that they are not
looking for long term commitment, but others don't, simply looking to take advantage of someone who is looking for
affection. Yes, in rebound relationships, you can end up being used by the rebounder.
What Should I Do?
The end of a relationship is emotionally draining. However, experiencing the pain does have a healing effect,
allowing one to move on without rushing into what could be a damaging rebound relationship. Modern society offers
instant cures for almost everything, however, the end of a relationship needs to be worked through, and that takes
time.
Alternatively, spend some time considering if you really want your old relationship back. Do you want to try and
start again?
Stop and seriously ask yourself if you really want the relationship to end. In TW Jackson's
"Magic of Making Up", one of the premiere resources for couples in difficulty, you are first taken through
some "truth" questions to determine whether or not you want your former lover/partner/spouse back. You have to
be honest with yourself, but this provides a sensible starting point for assessing which direction you want to
go, be it with your former or current partner. (See our Magic Of
Making Up review here)
After setting your own mind straight, you can then concentrate on what action to take. Jackson then gives
numerous detailed strategies (rather than "do's and don'ts") to get you going in exactly the right direction and
not go putting your foot in your mouth!
Bottom line is, you have to decide to take action - doing nothing will result in same old same old, and a life
sold short.
The following free video is taken from the Magic of Making Up strategy, and shows you the first
step to take to get your relationship back-